Can you judge me by reading my blog?
Does this one dimensional painting of my thoughts give you a deep insight to a my soul?
Can you get to know the “real” me without meeting me?
We judge people by much less than a blog in everyday life. We are judged everyday by first impressions, the things we say, the clothes we wear, and what we do, how we interact.
Although a wise saying tells “Don´t judge a book by it´s cover” - it´s exactly what we do every day. We still make decisions based on our first impressions all the time and make millions of assumptions everyday on much less information.
When I blog I choose the topic to write about, my personal writing style, the pictures I load up.
Even things like how often I update my blog or the colors used in the layout give my readers insight and shapes their opinion about me. I suppose my blog´s look is the online equivalent of non-verbal communication.
I have kept a diary, journal, or something similar for as long as I can remember. Today I share my “diary” with the whole Blogosphere now. People all over the world can see what I´m up to, through photos and postings.
This is who I am. A caffeinted shoe-addict, easily fascinated, infatuated with design, mom to my little son Luis, head over heels in love with my better half Frank. I try my very best to be consciously aware that I am representing who I really am. I try to periodically put a picture of myself, ramble about my daily life every once in a while so that the reader gets the jest of the framework in which the words are written.
I am what I write. I am what I take pictures of. I put all of myself in this space. My blog is a very vital part of the person I am, the ideologies I represent, and the the thoughts behind my actions.
Who do you see when you read my blog? If you can judge me by reading Coffee2go, please let me know your honest opinion…
I myself cannot tell you what I see when I look into the mirror (I tried once when I incinqed myself) but I can tell you what I´m definitely NOT:
I am definitely not a professional writer. I have to deal with the fact that sometimes my readers may misinterpret what I say. Obviously I´ve offended the sensibilities of a very close friend of mine lately. My deepest apologies for this! I´m so so sorry!!!
What happened?
I´ve written a posting about (New) Beginnings some days ago, comparing a “not-so-prosperous” period in my life (2005) with my life today. I ranted about the realtionship with my ex D., which made me feel incomplete and mentioned my friendship with my “BFF” (Chris) which was, of course, one of the pro´s:
On the one hand I lived in a pretty cool flat share with my best friend Chris. I found myself surrounded by wonderful friends (counting my family in).
When I got pregnant Chris moved together with his girlfriend. Sadly we don´t have much contact today.
Of course I miss Chris every now and then. He moved to another town with his girlfriend. The last time we saw each other was on his birthday on Dec 26th, 2006. It felt kind of strange to celebrate my birthday without him this year. The first time for 20 years he was not here.
We´ve been close friends for nearly 20 years before - the change of our friendship hurts me much. I sat here countless hours, trying to find a reason for his behaviour.
I came up with:
1) The reason might be his vocational re-training is keeping him too busy (lame excuse to protect me from being hurt)
2) Or maybe he simply doesn´t like me anymore… (that´s what I assumed, although I had no idea why)
My friends assume the reason might be his girlfriend who hated me from the very first moment she saw me. There are many hints she hates me (slagged me off several times, left nasty comments about me on fellow blogger´s postings, begrudged my pregnancy and did a lot of other unmentioneable stuff.) , but I never thought Chris would break up our friendship just because “his girlfriend” and “his best friend for nearly 20 years” don´t get on with each other…
I was so unhappy with the situation I even asked her for help. She said she knows there´s something wrong with him, but I shouldn´t ask him. He´ll send me a mail someday.
Well, I didn´t recieve the promised email, but he left some comments on my mentioned posting and sent an anonymous sms telling me I shall delete those comments. Stupid me thought he wanted me to delete them - so I did, hoping he had reconsidered the situation, maybe even wanted to talk…
A hint for this was the comments were not “his style”. My best friend would never play me for a sucker, poke fun of a typo (”Turesday” instead of “Tuesday”), linking the comment to German´s wikipedia “Narzissmus” (Narcissism).
I was wrong. Shortly after he wrote a kind of “good-bye comment”, again linking to Narcissism.
Yes, I´m an airhead. I thought it´s a kind of compliment how much I miss him although we haven´t seen each for 8 months, only talked on the phone about 4 or 5 times, wrote a few mails…
I didn´t mean to hurt him with my posting. I was talking about a new beginning in 2005 - not NOW. The new beginning was breaking up with D. and my “new” relationship with Frank, my joy of motherhood - nothing more, nothing less.
Nothing in the world could make me want to lose this 20 years lasting friendship… or him. I still hope the comments are the result of a misunderstanding.
I always blamed myself for the “dozing” of our friendship. Now I can blame myself for the complete loss of it… free falling.
Catch ya,
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