It´s sanni-licious

I’ve never had to struggle to come up with things for which I am thankful.

On this day when we’re encouraged to take a moment to think about those things for which we are most thankful and I don’t even know where to begin.

I grew up in a nice home somewhere here in Germany, with parents who loved me and a special friend that I still count as the best friend I´ve ever had in the world. My grand-parents lived close by. We were healthy and happy. I am thankful for my memories.

Many years later, I found caring man who is intelligent, adorable and fun. Frank´s love leaves me speechless every day. I am thankful I´m allowed to spend my life with the best hubby I could ask for.

Our son Luis puts a huge smile on my face every single moment. He has grown so big, having started so little. I am thankful for the way he makes me want bo be a better mom, a better person every day, for his smile, for the joy he brings to our lives.

Did I mention the Jersey´s big slobbery puppy lips ready to lick my nose? No? I´m thankful for the furry diva. She was delivered in the “hubby package” - although I never wanted to be owned by a dog I cannot imagine my life without her anymore.

My parents - I’ve always loved my parents, but as I’ve grown older, I’m thankful that I can also call them my best friends and best grandparents who make Luis´days thousand times brighter because they are a part of his life.

I´m thankful for my parents-in-law. They are exactly the same… One of the most touching moments in my life has been Uschi naming me her daughter.

Who knows? Maybe someday there will be a sibling that Luis will count as his best friend in the world. I cherish that thought and I´m thankful for the possibilty to get pregnant again. The doctors worked wonders preventing me from passing away whilst pregnancy… and medicating me without disabling me from giving birth to a child again.

This brings me to health. Although I´m still sick I know I could be worse I know. At least I can walk, laugh, and still dress pretty nicely. Nothing makes you more grateful for good health than a little bit of pain. I´m grateful for my entire family´s health.

Our freedoms- I am grateful to live in a country where freedoms are still “free” and I do not have to fear daily bombings, or going to bed hungry, or becoming enslaved or persecuted. We live in a country which is free and save… A special thanks to all of you, who protect us from those that seek to destroy it. You are in our thoughts and prayers every day.

Our “3 D friends” we made throughout our life - these people are pretty much the coolest people we know. Some of them we haven´t seen for ages… we badly miss them - but we know it will be “as always” when we meet again.

YOU!

That´s why I created this little “Thank you” - the “Thankful for YOU”-award for my darling bloggy people:

Bridget @ …And Miles To Go…
Maria @ BAAAHHH!!!
Matt-Man @ Bagwine Ruminations
Heather in BBColumbia
Vinny sitting on Bond´s Big Leather Couch
Alice - she was Born2Cre8
Sandee @ Comedy +
Tisha - the CrAzY Working Mom
Desert Songbird @ The Ice Box
Amazing Gracie @ Echoes of Grace
Ian @ EDog´s Everything Page
Miss Bee - the Empress Bee of the High Sea
Misty Dawn
Mo @ It´s a blog eat blog world
Jersey - the Furry Diva
Steven @ Get Your Blog On!
Linda @ {this & that}
Lizza @ I am woman…
Kathrine @ Wading through my…
Captain Lifecruiser @ Lifecruiser
Mar @ Maremagnum
Queen Mimi @ Mimi writes…
Danielle @ Modern Musings
Reba @ Reba´s Run
Sarge Charlie
Barb @ Skittles Place
Trav @ Trav´s Thoughts
Turnbaby @ And as the world Turns
Annelisa @ Words That Flow
Gattina @ Writer´s Cramps

Thank you for being my friends. I am grateful to have such wonderful friends like you, who take the time to read my ramblings on Coffee2go. Even though almost all of you I have never met, I feel a special bond that crosses time and space. It brings me close to those of you who feed my soul…

catch ya,

And now…
… our moment of Turkey:

Can you judge me by reading my blog?
Does this one dimensional painting of my thoughts give you a deep insight to a my soul?
Can you get to know the “real” me without meeting me?

We judge people by much less than a blog in everyday life. We are judged everyday by first impressions, the things we say, the clothes we wear, and what we do, how we interact.

Although a wise saying tells “Don´t judge a book by it´s cover” - it´s exactly what we do every day. We still make decisions based on our first impressions all the time and make millions of assumptions everyday on much less information.

When I blog I choose the topic to write about, my personal writing style, the pictures I load up.
Even things like how often I update my blog or the colors used in the layout give my readers insight and shapes their opinion about me. I suppose my blog´s look is the online equivalent of non-verbal communication.

I have kept a diary, journal, or something similar for as long as I can remember. Today I share my “diary” with the whole Blogosphere now. People all over the world can see what I´m up to, through photos and postings.

This is who I am. A caffeinted shoe-addict, easily fascinated, infatuated with design, mom to my little son Luis, head over heels in love with my better half Frank. I try my very best to be consciously aware that I am representing who I really am. I try to periodically put a picture of myself, ramble about my daily life every once in a while so that the reader gets the jest of the framework in which the words are written.

I am what I write. I am what I take pictures of. I put all of myself in this space. My blog is a very vital part of the person I am, the ideologies I represent, and the the thoughts behind my actions.

Who do you see when you read my blog? If you can judge me by reading Coffee2go, please let me know your honest opinion…

I myself cannot tell you what I see when I look into the mirror (I tried once when I incinqed myself) but I can tell you what I´m definitely NOT:

I am definitely not a professional writer. I have to deal with the fact that sometimes my readers may misinterpret what I say. Obviously I´ve offended the sensibilities of a very close friend of mine lately. My deepest apologies for this! I´m so so sorry!!!

What happened?

I´ve written a posting about (New) Beginnings some days ago, comparing a “not-so-prosperous” period in my life (2005) with my life today. I ranted about the realtionship with my ex D., which made me feel incomplete and mentioned my friendship with my “BFF” (Chris) which was, of course, one of the pro´s:

On the one hand I lived in a pretty cool flat share with my best friend Chris. I found myself surrounded by wonderful friends (counting my family in).

When I got pregnant Chris moved together with his girlfriend. Sadly we don´t have much contact today.

Of course I miss Chris every now and then. He moved to another town with his girlfriend. The last time we saw each other was on his birthday on Dec 26th, 2006. It felt kind of strange to celebrate my birthday without him this year. The first time for 20 years he was not here.

We´ve been close friends for nearly 20 years before - the change of our friendship hurts me much. I sat here countless hours, trying to find a reason for his behaviour.

I came up with:
1) The reason might be his vocational re-training is keeping him too busy (lame excuse to protect me from being hurt)
2) Or maybe he simply doesn´t like me anymore… (that´s what I assumed, although I had no idea why)

My friends assume the reason might be his girlfriend who hated me from the very first moment she saw me. There are many hints she hates me (slagged me off several times, left nasty comments about me on fellow blogger´s postings, begrudged my pregnancy and did a lot of other unmentioneable stuff.) , but I never thought Chris would break up our friendship just because “his girlfriend” and “his best friend for nearly 20 years” don´t get on with each other…

I was so unhappy with the situation I even asked her for help. She said she knows there´s something wrong with him, but I shouldn´t ask him. He´ll send me a mail someday.

Well, I didn´t recieve the promised email, but he left some comments on my mentioned posting and sent an anonymous sms telling me I shall delete those comments. Stupid me thought he wanted me to delete them - so I did, hoping he had reconsidered the situation, maybe even wanted to talk…
A hint for this was the comments were not “his style”. My best friend would never play me for a sucker, poke fun of a typo (”Turesday” instead of “Tuesday”), linking the comment to German´s wikipedia “Narzissmus” (Narcissism).

I was wrong. Shortly after he wrote a kind of “good-bye comment”, again linking to Narcissism.

Yes, I´m an airhead. I thought it´s a kind of compliment how much I miss him although we haven´t seen each for 8 months, only talked on the phone about 4 or 5 times, wrote a few mails…
I didn´t mean to hurt him with my posting. I was talking about a new beginning in 2005 - not NOW. The new beginning was breaking up with D. and my “new” relationship with Frank, my joy of motherhood - nothing more, nothing less.

Nothing in the world could make me want to lose this 20 years lasting friendship… or him. I still hope the comments are the result of a misunderstanding.

I always blamed myself for the “dozing” of our friendship. Now I can blame myself for the complete loss of it… free falling.

Catch ya,