Welcome to the Oktoberfest -

Warm-up: How to talk like a Bavarian Seppl

Before we´ll get drunk have some fun in- and outside the big tents, I´d love to introduce a bit of the Bavarian tongue to you. Our Bavarian friends are proud of thier own patois - differing lots of the so called “proper German”. The first phrase coming up to mind is:

Bavarian: “I moag oa noa oa oa hoam.”
German:”Ich möchte auch noch ein Ei haben.”
English:”I´d like to have another egg.”

The best easy as 1-2-3 one-word-example for the dialect is the Bavarian “Oachkatzlschwoaf” (= Eichhörnchenschwanz). No, I won´t say this 12 times fast after my first “Mass” at the Oktoberfest! *g* So, what is the meaning of Oachkatzlschwoaf? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

You see, for non-Bavarians, like all of us Cyber Cruisers (including me), communication with the “locals” can sometimes be rather troublesome. The Oktoberfest dictionary solves this problem: If you should encounter an unfamiliar word, you can look it up here easily. In addition to traditional Oktoberfest words and phrases, you will find Bavarian everyday words which will help you on your visit.
Since no official written form of Bavarian exists, the words are written in a phonetic form based on German pronunciation! Have fun!

A
arschlings (adj.) :
backwards, more specific: “in your behinds direction”.

aufmischen (v.)
to spank or wallop.

aufstoein (v.)
to donate a beer.

B
Bappn (n.)
mouth or face; also one the seems contorted due to pain or a bad mood.

Batzerl (n.)
small amount of something.

Biafuizl (n.)
beer mat, is often used by the waitress/waiter as a note pad where dashes indicates the quantity of beer ordered by the guest.

biddscheen (n.)
please, can also mean “here you are” when someone is giving or serving something.

Brezn (n.)
Bavarian pretzel. Aesthetically twined string of dough, baked to a pastry. At the Oktoberfest, the giant “Riesnbrezn” are especially beloved.

Brotzeit (n.)
cold meal for dinner; pretzel, cheese radish etc.

Busserl (n.)
term for a swift kiss, often on other parts of the face or body than the mouth. Example: „Busserl aufs Backerl“ (kiss on the cheak). More intensive kiss mutations, as the French kiss, are not included in this term.

C
Cafe Viereck (n.)
jail, prison, slammer.

D
Dackl (n.)
dachshund; popular Bavarian dog, in addition the Oktoberfest mascot. Q.v. Wastl

E
Eigschnappter (n.)
an offended person; q.v. Lebawurst

F
fualn (n.)
above the table people hook fingers, but when people secretly have toe-to-toe contact under the table, it usually gets more interesting.

Fuchzga (n.)
fifty-Euro note.

G
Gamsbart (n.)
traditional Bavarian hat adornment, every proper Oktoberfest visitor should posses one.

gamsig (adj.)
epitome for interest of pairing. Among the youth also a term for sexual state of emergency.

Gaudi (n.)
jollity, fun, spree

Gaudinockerln (n.)
luxuriantly breasts

H
Hasal (n.)
bunny, lambkin;

Haud scho (n.)
Yes!, expression of success.

I/J
Janker (n.)
livery jacket. Is worn in combination with Lederhose.

jodeln (v.)
artistic, falsetto-like singing in the tone syllables. Frequently performed by less talented yodellers during the Oktoberfest.

K/L
Lebawurscht, beleidigte (n.)
offended person, mortally offended.

Lewakaas (n.)
Leberkaese (Liver-cheese), bavarian butchery speciality, contains neither liver nor cheese. Often served in a bun (”Lewakaassemme”).

M
Mass (n.)
one litre beer, important Bavarian measurement.

Masskruagstemma (n.)
a contest, where the contestant must hold one maß beer with straight arms. The one who can carry the beer longest, wins.

Mognschoaß (n.)
belch, eructation. Unpopular in the beer tents, occurs more frequently with an increased consumption of beer.

Moosbummerl (n.)
hillbilly, redneck.

Mordsmassl (n.)
enormous luck.

N
nimma (adj.)
no more.

Noagerl (n.)
the last remainder of a beverage in a glass.

Noagerlzuzla (n.)
person who drinks the last remainders from abandoned glasses, also used as a cuss.

O
Oachkatzlschwoaf (n.)
the best example for the “difference” between proper German and Bavarian dialect. Oachkatzlschwoaf = Eichhörnchenschwanz (tail of a squirrel)

obandeln (v.)
to flirt, mostly with one explicit intention.

Obazda (n.)
bavarian cheese speciality with Camembert, onion, paprika, caraway, butter and sometimes also beer, can be acquired in most Oktoberfest tents.
Formaggio tipico bavarese con camembert, cipolla, perperoni, burro.

ogschdocha (adj.)
tipsy.

oide Schaesn (n.)
patronising term for an old woman. Also used for cars.

ozapfa (v.)
to tap a beer barrel. The Oktoberfest is each year inaugurated with a ceremonial taping of the first barrel of beer in the Schottenhammel tent. The mayor of Munich attach the tap with as few hits as possible. When the tap has been attached the mayor shouts “O’zapft is!” (“it is tapped!”). Twelve shots indicate for the other beer tents, that beer may be served.

P-R
Ratschkathl (n.)
chatty and gossip addicted woman.

Rauschada (n.)
drunk, drunkard; a relatively frequent sight at Oktoberfest.

S
Schlachtschuessl (n.)
hefty meal, mainly consisting of sausages and other meat.

Schmarrn (n.)
absurdity, nonsense.

Schmatzerl (n.)
like a Busserl, but somewhat moister.

Schnaggler (n.)
hiccup.

T
Teifi (n.)
devil, appears after a couple of Maß.

trazn (v.)
to irritate, to annoy.

U
Uaviech (n.)
primal animal, real man.

V
vareckt (v.)
1) dead
2) insidious

varuafa (adj.)
to have a bad reputation.

W
Wampn (n.)
patronising expression for a oversized oft hanging belly. Caused either through a large consumption of foods with a high fat content or beer.

Wastl (n.)
typical name of a Bavarian dachshund; often also “Struppi”.

Weckerl (n.)
bun, roll.

Weissbia (n.)
wheat beer, only in the smaller beer tents at Oktoberfest.

Weisswurscht (n.)
White sausage, eaten with sweet mustard. Please note that the skin must by no means be eaten.

Wolpertinger (n.)
mythical creature in Bavarian fairytales. Combines attributes of various different local animals.

X-Z
zupf de (v.)
back off, get lost

Are you ready for some Oktoberfest Gaudi? See ya tomorrow, right here =)

catch ya,

And now…
… our moment of Homer J.:

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Yesterday marked the “International Talk Like A Pirate” - Day. Our Lifecruiser Cyber Cruise took us to Tortuga - we met a bunch of handsome pirates. I´m not sure if I had a grog-effected hallucination… but I could swear I met Captain Jack Sparrow. We flirted lots, so today I´ll bring you:

13 pirate pick-up lines

- sponsored by talk like a pirate

For the guys:

1.) Come on up and see me urchins.

2.) Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

3.) I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

4.) Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

5.) Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

6.) Well blow me down?

7.) Prepare to be boarded.

For the ladies:

8.) Aye, I guarantee ye, I’ve had a twenty percent decrease in me “lice ratio!”

9.) C’mon, lad, shiver me timbers!

10.) I’ve crushed seventeen men’s skulls between me thighs!

11.) That’s quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

12.) Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

13.) You. Pants Off. Now!

Happy TT and thanks for stopping by, me mateys!

And now…
… our moment of Homer J.:

Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss!
Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Cyber Cruise

Welcome to Tortuga!

Tortuga (Île de la Tortue in French) is a Caribbean island that forms part of Haiti, off the northwest coast of Hispaniola. It constitutes the commune of Île de la Tortue in the Port-de-Paix arrondissement of the Nord-Ouest Department of Haiti. Its name in both Spanish (Isla Tortuga) and French means “Turtle Island” or “Tortoise Island”. In the 17th century, it was a major center of Caribbean piracy. As of today, Sept 19th, the international “Talk Like A Pirate Day” Tortuga will be taken over by the Lifecruiser Cyber Cruisers!

Let´s get started!

Release the PIRATE within
Far from the stinking, scurvy-laden swabs of yore, or the free-music-downloading college students of today, a True Pirate knows how to distill the essence of Piracy, and live life as it was meant to be lived: Heartily, me Hearties!

Steps:

1. Go “on account”. Not simple theft, but acquiring things in a way that the previous owner is happy to give you what you ask for, all things considered.
2. Follow a code: Whether it’s accumulating wealth or avoiding the yoke of polite society, know your goals.
3. Assemble a crew: A lonely pirate is a poor pirate indeed. Gather like-minded folk to aid your endeavors.
4. Choose a style: Gentleman-captain? Blood-hungry tyrant? Shabby but charismatic rogue? “Exotic” foreign type?

Tips

• Live, by god! On land or on sea, the point of going on account is to finance your freedom with ill-gotten goodies. Make it work for you!
• Share the wealth- your crew rely on you, and you rely on them. Friends, relatives, well-wishers, all are entitled to a fair share.
• Develop a reputation- the greatest pirates of yore captured their riches with a minimum of fighting. Cargos should be handed over with a smile. You might even become a hero to those who lack the stomach to make their own way in life.

Warnings

• Don’t do anything illegal! Anyone can thieve, but it takes dedication and style to plunder.
• DO get people to give you stuff you don’t really deserve.
• Live with a swagger.
• Don’t hurt any part of anyone else, excepting their pride. Non-pirates can be humiliated in the course of your work.
• Respect other pirates. Everyone has to earn a living.

Things You´ll Need

• A healthy self-esteem
• Friends or well-wishers
• Dreams of glory
• An intimidating stare (optional, but recommended)
• Sea legs not required
• Eye Patch optional
• Very old one shot black powder pistol (loaded) (with flint)(ready to fire) (bullet optional)

And now: Talk like a pirate!
If you’re going to dress up like a pirate, nothing will ruin your image more easily than just adding “Arrrrr!” to the end of every sentence. So don’t settle for being an imitation pirate, or you’ll get labeled a “lubber” in no time. Here’s how to be authentic and colorful, like a real swashbuckling man o’the sea!

Steps

1. Growl - and scowl often. Pirates don’t use a cultured, elegant, smooth vocalization - they mutter and growl.
2. Use pirate lingo. Sounding like a pirate isn’t as hard as it seems! There are lots of resources for picking up pirate “lingo,” so make use of them (some common terms listed below) in addition to trying to affect a vocal sound. Avoid using modern epithets (swear words). It’s much more colorful (and kid-friendly) to use “pirate slang” for those naughty words.
3. Gesture with your hands frequently. Don’t forget that pirates do most of their talking on the deck of a ship - out on the ocean, where wind, waves, and bird calls make it tough to hear. Gesturing often gives you a sense of “being there.”
4. Run words together. Saying, “The boys and I were out for a lovely day on the water today” sounds like something you’d overhear at a yacht club, not out on the bounding main! Instead, try, “Me’n'these here scurvy scallywags drug our sorry keesters out t’th’ship’n'had us a grand great adventuaaarrr! We almost had t’keelhaul Mad Connie f’r gettin inter th’ grog behind our backs!” Use contractions whenever possible. Be sure to punctuate often with “Arrrr!”
5. Never use “you” or “you’re” - ever. Instead, use the piratical form, “yer” or “ya” for all forms of address to others. “Yer a scurvy bilge rat, ya pompous gasbag” or “Here’s yer dinner, ya mangy cockroach.” Note that you should always endeavor to call the addressee by some insulting name, usually involving an animal.
6. Embellish at will. A pirate is larger than life, and his or her speech should always reflect this. Don’t just say, “We saw a whale off the starboard bow today.” Say, “Me’n'th’ crew seen a great grand sea beastie, th’ mother of all whales, aye!”
7. Refer to yourself as “me” at all times, never “I” It is not piratically correct to say, “I have a cold.” It is far better as a pirate to declare, “Got me a case o’th’sniffles, ‘ass rye!”
8. More importantly, substitute “me” for “my” For example, don’t say, “Look at my new sword,” say “Lookit me new sword!.” Also substitute “meself” for “myself” as in “Got meself a right fine ship!”
9. Mutter unintelligibly unless yelling. Being a pirate usually meant being liquored up to some degree - a lot of time, pirates were pretty mush-mouthed. In the step preceding, the term “‘ass rye” actually translates to “that’s right.” Get it?
10. Be as loud as humanly possible. Pirates are not shy violets - stand tall, me hearties, and be counted!
11. Procure one dead stuffed parrot and sew feet to right shoulder of 2nd hand store jacket. This will put you in the mood to adhere to the above mentioned rules and guarantee an abundance of “yers and arghs”.

Tips:

• Loud and lusty wins the day in Piratespeak!
• The more colorful you are, the more successful you will be as a pirate - why, you might end up as Cap’n!
• Don’t worry about whether people understand you. Just squint with one eye (your good eye, the other should be covered by an enigmatic black patch) and nod meaningfully, as if they do understand, when you’re asked to explain. Saying, “Ayyyyyyyye” softly, and stroking your mustache can also help to persuade them that they did understand you the first time.
• Ar! If you be a practicing pastafarian, ye may wish to punctuate yer greetings with a “His blessings be upon thee, scurvy dog!”

Warnings:
If you plan to indulge in ale, grog or other piratical spirits, do NOT attempt to steer your own ship home, matey!

Last, but not least: Get your pirate name:

Steps:

1. Choose the name of bird or a parasitic animal. Think of different birds or animals and the habits, traits and activities that they are renowned for. Select one that appeals most to you. Some examples include:
   • Buzzard, Crow, Mocking, Raven, Hawk, Snail, Possum, Barnacle
2. Change the spelling of the name that you have chosen to make it look like a person’s name, rather than a bird or animal name. For example:
   • Mocking to Mock
   • Hawk to Hawkin
   • Crow to Crowe
   • Magpie to Maggie
3. Add a modifier to your name that describes something about your personality or physical characteristics. That way when you tell people your name it really makes sense. For example:
   • Stubborn Mock
   • Limping Hawkin
   • Crowe the One-Eyed
   • Glowering Maggie
4. Choose a first name that will ring with the other two. Try using the same sounds in the names so it sounds smooth to the ear. Some examples include:
   • Rowdy Roy Ravenhook,
   • Frank Big-hearted Stoutbeard, etc.

Tips:

• Use your imagination and be creative.
• Pirates came from all over the world. There were Spanish pirates, Asian pirates, English pirates, etc. So decide which type of pirate you are and speak with that accent. Remember if all pirates spoke with an English accent it would get boring.

Warnings:

• A pirate name without the act is nothing!
• Do not use wimpy animals or birds in your name or you will get ridiculed. How much respect does the name Canary Harry demand, or what about Fat Joe Peacock, or even Tall Parakeet Bill. Try to use more ominous names like Buzzard Bill Longtoe.

Things you´ll need:

• A love of pirates

Let´s have some fun!
Grog anyone???

catch ya,

, aka Pirate Sea Monkey Sandrina Jezebel ♥

And now…
… our moment of Homer J.:

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.