Special thanks to the one and only MO for hosting Manic Monday. This week´s theme is independence.
Babies as well as toddler go through lots of developmental milestones. Seperation and independence is just one.
Luis is 14 month old - a very interesting time lies behind us… and a lot of interesting (and difficult *smile*) moments are to come. Do you remember the time when your kids or friends kids got more and more independent?
As a newborn, a baby has no sense of himself as an individual. The baby thinks it´s one with its family. The little one doesn´t realize that the tiny hands and feet waving before it are its own. Over time, though, as the growing baby develops physically and mentally, the baby will gradually figure out being an own little person, with own body, thoughts, and feelings. Of course, the baby will also want to do things his own way.
The baby´s sense of individuality will take years to develop, but at around 6 or 7 months it develops: The baby begins to realize that it´s separate from its family and that mom/dad can leave it alone.
This is when speration anxiety usually comes up. Most babies or toddlers will show true anxiety and be upset at the prospect - or reality - of being separated from a parent. If you think about separation anxiety in evolutionary terms, it makes sense: A defenseless baby would naturally get upset at being separated from the person who protects and cares for it.
Once the child becomes more social, and more confident that the parents will, in fact, come back for it when the little one is at daycare or with a sitter, the child will be able to move forward and forge an own identity. By the toddler years, the growing independence may have blossomed enough to cause some problems: Wanting things “my way” is at the heart of many temper tantrums.
Detailed stages of delvelopment:
1 to 6 months
Until the “half birthday”, the baby will completely identify with the primary caregiver. Working on gaining control over its basic movements and reflexes, it can´t even think about the process of forming its own identity during those first few months. Its primary concern is filling its immediate needs for food, love, and attention.
Parents may start to notice the first signs of budding independence at about 4 months, when the baby discovers that it can cry to get attention. That´s one of the first steps in learning that it has an independent will and that how it behaves can have an impact on others - namely mom and dad.
A famous British study shows exactly how unaware babies are of their own existence. Researchers placed several infants under the age of 1 in front of a mirror to see whether they understood that the reflections were images of themselves. They didn´t. Each baby would pat his mirror image, behaving as if it were seeing another baby. And when researchers dabbed red rouge on a baby´s nose and plopped it back in front of the mirror, it always tried to touch its reflection ´s nose, not its own.
7 to 12 months
At around 7 months the baby will realize that it is independent of its parents. While this is an exciting cognitive milestone, this new understanding of separateness can make the baby anxious. It knows that the parents can leave it, but it doesn´t know that they will always come back, so it is likely to burst into tears when mom/dad leave, even for a minute.
Resist the urge to sneak away when its back is turned - when the parents leave the baby at daycare, for example. It won´t help the baby cope, and it may just make him more afraid that the parents aren´t coming back. Hard as it can be, the parents shall say goodbye and go while the baby is watching.
13 to 24 months (the stage we´re in)
The baby is now making progress in differentiating itself from its parents and from the world around. In the same British study mentioned above, researchers put rouge on the noses of children about 21 months of age. When these kids looked in the mirror, they touched their own noses: They understood that the reflections in the mirrors were images of themselves.
A 2-year-old may still get upset when the parents leave him/her at daycare or with a sitter, but she/he´ll recover more quickly now because she/he´s more secure. Experience and her/his budding memory skills have taught him/her that the parents will come back after being gone for a while. They´ve built his/her trust by continually showing him/her that they love and care for him/her.
It´s also this trust that gives him/her the confidence to assert himself/herself. His/her insistence on wearing those striped pjs for the 4th night in a row, eating only certain foods, and climbing into his/her car seat by himself are all signs of his/her increasing independence.
25 to 36 months
Between the ages of 2 and 3, the toddler will continue to struggle for independence. He/she´ll wander farther away from his/her parents as he/she goes exploring, and he/she´ll continue to test his/her limits (coloring on the walls, for example, even if he/she was told not to). In fact, “I can do it myself” is probably one of the most common refrains parents will hear from their older toddler.
What parents can do:
A child needs a secure attachment before he/she can move away and explore his/her world. Consistently give him/her love and support, and he/she’ll build the confidence he/she needs to strike out on his/her own. Beginning when he/she´s an infant, parents must respond immediately to the baby´s cries. They have to build that crucial bond by feeding it when it´s hungry, changing its diapers when they´re dirty, and smiling and talking with him/her when the baby is alert.
They can play games with the baby to enhance its understanding of separation and return (so it learns not to panic when they leave him/her for a while), e.g. playing peekaboo by covering the face or ducking behind a piece of furniture, or hide a toy beneath a blanket and find it together. Not only do these games teach a lesson, the interaction fosters his/her sense of closeness to his/her parents.
To develop independence, the child needs to test his/her limits and explore his/her surroundings, so the parents shall provide him/her with a safe home environment. Instead of running around saying “no” every time he/she touches something that could harm him/her, they should keep dangerous objects out of his/her reach and plenty of safe ones within it.
It´s possible to encourage independence and a growing sense of self by giving the child choices and things he/she can do on his/her own. A choice between two outfits, snacks, or afternoon activities allows the child to think for himself/herself, and having him/her drink from a cup or put his/her toys back into their container shows him/her he/she´s learning to help himself/herself.
Just because the child is starting to break out on his/her own doesn´t mean he/she will require less of comfort and love. While he/she may grow less needy, he/she still craves the parent´s constant care. The child needs to be encouraged any time trying something on his/her own, and never be pushed away when the child runs back to the parents for support. The child
will want and need reassurance for a long time to come.
With age comes greater independence and self-awareness. Each year will bring more things that the child will want to do on his/her own. As the child gets older, he/she´ll become more knowledgeable about himself/herself and the scope of his/her abilities. Future developments include the ability to prepare his/her own food, make friends and go to school.
Thanks for stopping by, any tips are welcome =)
xoXOxo,
And now…
… our moment of Homer J.:
Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
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