T13: My favorite SPAM

It´s all about SPAM.

Spam is meant to be alluring to its recipient - the hope that a stupid person will click through and buy something (bigger boobs, some blue pills, you name it).

I don’t know a single living human who has ever acted upon a spam message, but someone somewhere must be doing it, or the fools who send spam wouldn’t send so darn much of it.

Following are my 13 favorite spam subject lines from last week.

1.) Take this pills and make your Lassie feel the difference! - Lassie??? Are you freaking kidding me?

2.) You won $ 1,000,000.00 in the lottery. Don´t you remember entering? - Oh, drats. That pregnancy hormones are blowing out my memory. Sadly I won´t remember this mail in 3… 2… 1…

3.) She will always be hungry for your new long sausage - Sorry to hear that. See, I´m a “potatoe salad” person.

3.) Your little soldier will grow up to be a huge love general - AYE!

4.) Paypal needs you to submit your credit card and bank account information again as part of routine security maintenance - Yeah, and the Royal Bank of Scotland, the Bank of America, the Citybank…

5.) Schl*ng increase! 4 inches today, double up to 8 inches tomorrow. - *OUCH*

6.) Increase Your Penis Width(Girth) by up to20% - Considering I don’t have one… well, no… thanks!

7.) 500,000 satisfied men! - WOW! You are one busy bee… way to go!

8.) Urgent! Your Schoolmate William needs your help! - William? Who the heck?

9.) 58.922 single ladies from Russia are wait for you! - Way too much to handle for our tiny home.

10.) Miller Beer is giving away 2902 cases of beer to you on Feb 29th - Wait… I´ll forward this to Homer J. Simpson

11.) Your credit card has been charged $ 516.78 for laundry service - I´ll pay when I get all my left socks back!

12.) Request for urgent Business Relationship: Help me get my legacy - Ahhhh, there you are… I badly missed you, Prince of Nigeria, son of spams.

13.) Sign up for the ‘National Do Not E-Mail Registry’ to stop you from receiving unwanted e-mail - That´s my favorite… definitely!

Have I mentioned that these ads are so very professional sounding? What´s your favorite SPAM?

And now…
… our moment of Homer J.:

Homer: Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy’s boat!