It’s sanni-licious

you want to say out LOUD but don´t have the heart to…

Say it.
Just say it.
Don´t swallow…
Come on… swear like a trooper!
I know you want to.
You know you want to.
So do I.

You know what, Björn?
You might want to spend a little less time on the highlights and a little more time on some etiquette lessons. Just a little advice, me to you.

Mrs P.M.
You freaking STINK!! Have you not heard about deodorant? I can´t freaking believe I have to sit next to your patchouli armpit stink for 2 hours! A little less hairspray, a lot more having a shower, a bit more deodorant - that´s it!

Starbuck´s Barista @ “Benrather Karee”
Back in the day, when you bought something, you got change back and a “Thank you.” Now the cashier gives you change and your package and says either nothing or “here ya go.”

What do you mean “here ya go”? Don’t you mean “Thanks”? I just gave you my f..king money, Shithead. Say “thank you!”


Taxi-driver! Stop joking about black people!
You are not funny. You think you are, but you aren’t. In fact, I think you might just be a racist. I’m not sure, but I’m leaning toward that possibility. Yeah, you probably are, you old sack of shit.

Lady, check yourself
Bitch, let me tell you something. If I ever see your 55-year-old-but-wearing-a-camisole ass out again, I will bring scissors and cut your hair, and I will start smoking just so I can burn a hole in your fake leather jacket from C&A. You don’t dance. You flail. Your arm connected with my face twice that evening. That’s why you were escorted from the building. You are a drunk. You just need to learn about personal space. Oh, and you should also learn that once you turn the big 5-0, you don’t get to celebrate weekend in a club. Trust me, no one wants to see that. Oh, you’re single? That’s a big surprise.

Time to buy a pellet gun
Of all the cars on the motor-way you had to shit on mine. Thanks. F..king bird.

Supermarket -> shopping last Monday
Did you hear about this brand new invention? It’s called Kleenex. Learn about it!
Oh my freakin’ God, blow your goddamn nose. Stop horking it up inside your head with a grunt and a mumble. Stop the snorting. STOP IT. Excuse yourself, go to the restroom and blow your fu..ing nose, you sick f..k. You are making me want to vomit. Trash bum. Blow YOUR NOSE!!!!

No soup for you
You’ve been standing in front of me in this stupid slow-ass line for the past 15 minutes. Then you get to the counter and you don’t know what you want to order? Are you f..king kidding me?!? What did you think you were waiting in line for?

Oh, and now you’re fishing around looking for money…perfect. Yes, having to pay for your burger is a big, big surprise…. Girl, they really caught you off guard with that one…

No way dude
Dude… have you heard this song by TLC?

I don’t want no scrubs
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hangin’ out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Tryin’ to holla at me

*Uhhh* yeah dick-head… this applies to you. What makes you think it´s okay to pull your car over on the side of the road in the middle of a busy street and shout at me out your window “Yo, excuse me… are you alone?” What… the f..k. Like I´m really gonna say, “Oh yes, I am alone at this moment… on a way to a good old friend of mine. Got a loving family at home… but you know what: Let´s forget about this facts. I am alone. Why don’t you come join me? Or better yet, it´s 8:00 pm and dark out… why don´t I just come get in your car so you can take me off to the woods, rape me and then chop my body up into little pieces?” Jack-ass.

Can´t a girl just stop at a petrol station an dbuy some fags without being hit on, whistled at, cat-called, and/or stared-down by every heterosexual male with a hard dick? Jesus! And that includes you… Mr. 4′8″ Hispanic man who is trying to holla at me in spanish. You´re a freaking dwarf! You´ve got game and a lot of courage in that little body of yours, I´ll give you that… but that´s about it.

Mirror mirror on the wall
Starbuck´s again: To the girl sitting three tables away from me — please go out and buy shirts that are longer in the back, or maybe jeans that have a higher rise. Not only did I not need to see your ass crack, I also never needed to see hair in and around your general assular area. I have made an appointment with my optometrist for an eye transplant surgery to happen as soon as possible. Seriously, I mean what the hell is wrong with you?!

*Phew* Feeling much better now… I swear… I have an internal freak magnet hidden in my body somewhere and I need to get it out. Now!


Smoothies to all the others,